COD

First off, a few messages to all of my fans:

1.) I'm sorry that it's been so long since my last post...No excuses, I promise that it will happen again.

B.) The collection of Xbox-inspired ballads by Loss Cat and Monkeyboy entitled "The Dookie Twins" is scheduled for release in late 2008. The first hit single "Double Kill With a Sticky Bomb(I Got a)" will be available for download in the next couple of months and you can view the lyrics in my previous posts. So contain your excitement for now...It's in the works.

3.) I still toss dookie like a champ on a regular basis.

COD stands for 2 things:

1.) Call of Duty - My latest addiction and a pretty damn fun game. The only drawback is that on occasion, I must actually team up with my nemesis Foyeboy and therefore I don't always have the pleasure of creeping up behind him, slicing him up and then taking a dookie on his corpse.

2.) Cash on Delivery - This is when cash is paid when a product is delivered. For example, When Foye's mom drops by my apartment for her daily blumpkin, she immediately pays me based on the size of the steamer. She pays me extra if I include the Monkeyboy Booty Wail upon delivery of said steamer.

The Ballad of Foyeboy (by Monkeyboy w/ special guest Loss Cat)

so it seems foyeboy has a girl
who bakes him cupcakes and rocks his world
because of this, he can't play halo
'cause if she saw him get his ass blown up, monkeyboy she would blow

monkeyboy tosses poop like a champ
and this makes foye's girl get damp
she can't wait to ride monkeyboy's schlong
and when she does, she'll sing this song

Monkeyboy you're the halo king!
About your massive pole i shall sing!
Foye just isn't enough for this girl!
He sucks at halo and he's hung like a squirrel!

so while foye's getting fisted by his life partner alex
we'll be double-teaming foye's girl just for kicks
and she'll be forced to sing out this tender ballad
then we'll beat on foye and smush spuds into salad

(by this we think foyeboy might get offended
all this talk about his girl getting rear-ended
but he's a big boy and can take his licks
it's not our fault his girl likes monkeyboy and losscat's d**ks)

(I Got A) Double Kill with a Sticky Bomb

I have not been this inspired since my 12/1/06 post which will be nearly impossible for me to exceed in terms of creativity...but below is my latest work of art entitled:

(I Got A) Double Kill with a Sticky Bomb

I got a, double kill with a sticky bomb
I blew you up, then I porked your mom
She licked my nuts while I sang this song
Man, she was so turned on...

Because I got a double kill with a sticky bomb
I blew you up, then I bonked your mom
I bent her over while she quoted the Wrath of Khan
In the voice of James Doohan(Scotty)

I got a, double kill with a sticky bomb
I blew you up, then I spanked your mom
When we were done she cooked me some flan
Then we continued to get it on

I got a, double kill with a sticky bomb
I blew you up, then I shagged your mom
For kicks she put a rasta wig on
and kept screaming "Do me harder Mon!"

I got a, double kill with a sticky bomb
I blew you up, then I did your mom
I know you wanted to see me spider monkey your mom
So I turned the video camera on

I got a, double kill with a sticky bomb
I blew you up, then I boinked your mom
I dropped a dookie while she licked my schlong
That's right, I got my blumpkin on

I got a, double kill with a sticky bomb
I blew you up, then I poked your mom
After the sixth time she started to sing this song
But don't worry, I had a jimmy hat on.

My Muses

I'd like to thank Foyeboy and Spuds for rejuvenating my creativity. I've now started writing again and the world will be a better place as a result...

My two latest pieces are below...both are works in progress:

Ode to Steamers

there once were 2 guys from jersey
who ate lots of limes so they wouldn't get scurvy
they went online to have a good time
but proceeded to get blown up over and over and over and over and over again by monkeyboy and losscat


Steaming Pile of Love

I have a steaming pile of love for you
It smells a lot like monkey poop
You'll be wearing it when we're through
Just be glad it ain't monkey goo

I have a steaming pile of love for you
It's smoking like you do after i sticky bomb you
It's a present for my muse
Because you let me poop on you

~Inigo Montoya~

Hola, como esta sinverguenzas?

Been a big lull in Halo play as the weather has gotten nicer. Just wanted to confirm that Loss Cat and Monkey Boy still own all your souls.

Sweet dreams,

Loss Gato

Triple Kill

Last night I was accused of gloating when I win. I'll admit, 'tis true, but I also give props when I get my nuts blasted off. The problem is that Monkeyboy and Smackass/Loss Cat kick so much ass all of the time that Glowtone seems to forget the times I recognize their miraculous achievements of actually beating us. I mean, it happened at least 2 out of 15 games last night. I'm man enough to admit that we didn't win 100% of the time, only 86.6666666% of the time.

Glowtone, don't hate, ConGraTuLate!

Don't turn this into the geeks version of the east coast/west coast rap wars...Because you will lose! One more outburst like last night and I will make you walk around Manhattan with a big fat steamer on your head for a week. So my message to you today is: Do Not Disrespect the Monkeyboy!!

Triple Kill last night biotches!

~Monkeyboy~

P.S. At least I have chicken.

P.P.S. If you haven't already seen this, click on the link below.

http://www.kontraband.com/show/show.asp?ID=2561&CAT=movies&NSFW=0&rtn=search-2561&Keywords=leeroy

Monkeyboy's Revenge (Part 1)

In response to recent reports and accusations that his game is slipping, Poop Daddy (formerly known as Monkeboy) has agreed to an exclusive one-on-one interview with Halo Beat. Below is the first part of a 4 part series featuring the dialog from this historic conversation:

HB: Let's first start with the name change. Why the change from Monkeyboy to Poop Daddy?

PD: I know it may seem like a crazy thing to do at the height of my celebrity, but I needed a name to really convey what I'm all about. And it's not about being a Monkey...sure, that's part of it, but the reality of the situation is that when I'm on Ascension, hitting Spuds in the back of the noggin with a steamer, I have become his Daddy by covering him in my Poop. Poop Daddy just makes more sense. It's who I am. I am your Daddy and it's because of my Poop. I AM POOP DADDY!

HB: Makes perfect sense to me. Bye the way, nice chain.

* HB points to a large diamond encrusted gold medallion featuring the letters PD above three piles of poop with FB, Spuds and GT written on them.

PD: Thanks, I bought this with the money I earned from doing the cover for the last issue of Halo Beat.

HB: Well, it's some lovely bling. Your partner, Loss Cat has been quoted as saying "Now he couldn't hit air if he fell out of a plane" when talking about the alleged decline in your legendary sticky bomb tossing prowess. How would you like to respond to that?

PD: First, I'd like to make it very clear to my fans that the statement "he couldn't hit air if he fell out of a plane" is a complete falsitude. In fact, I have scientific proof of this and will be suing Loss Cat for slander, libel and basically just pissing me off if he doesn't issue a public apology.

* PD hands HB a signed and notorized letter from the Scientific Institute of Midgetology that says "If Poop Daddy were to fall out of a conventional aircraft(including a banshee) on the planet earth or any other planet that would involve Halo combat then he would indeed hit air 100% of the time. It's science." Also note that the letter is signed by Dr. Kenneth Noisewater a reputed expert in this field.

HB: PD, isn't Dr. Kenneth Noisewater the name of one of the testicles attached to Brian Fantana of Anchorman: Legend of Ron Burgandy fame?

PD: Um, I have no idea what you're talking about. Who is Ron Burgundy?

* Let the record show that behind PD is a large framed picture featuring PD and Will Ferrell(who seems to be wearing a Poop Daddy diamond-encrusted pendant) at a table full of midgets wearing lawn gnome outfits.

* At this point PD requests a short break to tend to the feeding of his Orangutan he affectionately calls "The Octagon"

Part 2 in this epic 4 part interview will be featured in next weeks' issue of Halo Beat